Relationships are not simple. They mirror everything we sense about ourselves and the way the world works. When you've had an imperfect day, the people surrounding you seem tough. When you’re not pleased with yourself, your relationships seem to be deficient.
Everyone has individual and specific needs, whether it's going to the gym after work or making some time for you on a Saturday morning. If someone requests you to do something and your nature is to honor your own need, do that. I’m not saying you can’t make sacrifices sometimes, but it’s essential to make a routine of taking care of yourself.
Someone once stated to me... 'People are like glasses of water. If you don’t do what you have to do to keep your glass full, you’ll need to take it from someone else–which leaves them half full. Fill your own glass so you can feel whole and complete in your relationships.
It is rather tempting to doubt people. To believe that your boyfriend meant to upset you by not inviting you out with his friends or your friend meant to make you feel scarce by flaunting her money. People who care about you want you to feel happy, even if sometimes they get too wrapped up in their own problems to show it well.
Sometimes they may be cruel and mean it–let’s not pretend we’re all angels. It will possibly be when they’re hurting and don’t know what to do with it. Odds are they’ll feel bad and ask for forgiveness later.
When you feel hopeless with yourself, it’s easy to find something mistaken in a relationship. If you guilt another person for what you’re feeling, the solution is on them. But this is actually faulty logic. For starters, it gives them all the control. And secondly, it usually doesn’t solve the problem since you didn’t actually address the root cause.
Next time you feel the necessity to blame someone for your emotional state–something they did or should have done–ask yourself if there’s somewhat else going on. You may find there’s something basic: something you did or should have done for you. Take charge for the problem and you have control to create a solution.
In psychology, projecting refers to rejecting your own individualities and then crediting them to the outside world or other people. For example, if you’re not a dependable and trustworthy friend, you may assume your friends are all out to get you. It’s a protection mechanism that permits you to avoid the discomfort of acknowledging your weaknesses. There’s no faster way to put a split in between your relationships.
This comes back to down to self-consciousness, and its difficult work. Acknowledging your flaws isn’t fun; but if you don’t, you’ll remain seeing them in everyone around you, which could emotionally scar you. Next time you see something negative in someone else; ask yourself if it’s true for you. It might not be–but if it is, identifying it can help create peace in that relationship.
