Past six months of my life are a hell and what more it could be?
Things were not at all going well at Office…
Manager has become a disaster to my life…
I am constantly in a thought that I am being targeted…
My continuous efforts to set things right are not at all getting good results. Every day there is a rejection and nothing more. Every moment there is a down fall and nothing much. Every second there is a curse on my life and nothing great. In short, this life is disgusting for me….
One evening, on way back to from my Office, just a thought has come to my mind after more than six long months of living with a disgusting feeling. ‘Why all this happening to me? Why am I screwing up my happiness each day and living in insane? Will this life will be the same, moving further? Why am I being targeted? Am I really being targeted or it is just my perception?
Then I answered to my questions, this time in a different perspective. Some of them are;
Why my manager is trying to overload work on me?
B’cos she thinks I am efficient enough to handle multi-tasking and yet complete the work in a given time.
Why she troubles me even on a week off?
It is my inability to let her trouble me. Rather than bitching about my manager, I should in turn learn how to say ‘no’.
I am the only person whom she remembers when that last minute work comes?
Yes, because I am always available in the Office. Till date I did not make anyone realize that even I have a family. Despite of me not liking doing all those extra work, I am mum, do all the given work and have created a ‘slave’ like impression in the office about me.
Why people talk anything and everything about me?
Because I do not react and teach them their limits. All the time, I am with ‘it’s okay’ kind of an attitude.
Why I am not being considered for higher level positions even though my work speaks?
Because I do not speak. I do not market my abilities. I just do the work and push off from Office. No effort made by me to showcase the people in the organization as to what I am.
So, I have decided it is me who have let the people and my manager in the Organization to think the way they do about me. Despite of moving to other organization and cursing the people in the present company, I need to first learn how to tackle the situations and yet live in peace. Only then, I can sustain in any other organization. This losing and weak behavior of mine is not done at all.
So, these days I am saying ‘no’ to whatever extra work my manager gives if I think this is getting a bit over loaded for me, simply not lifting the call on week offs, when my manager asks me the reason of not lifting the call, I would in turn answer her straight away it is my right to not take a call on a week end. Let people go to hell, let everyone think whatever they want to, if anything or any talk is against my self-respect, I will raise the voice. Each day after my work, I would put a mail to my manager about the things done that day. I will for sure raise the voice and ask for a promotion if I feel I deserve and the analysis would match to the reality.
Finally, it is not about being in good books and dying each moment. It is about being what you are and being in peace.