It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.
She was sure that not all of these people had been invited, but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea.
He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the bride’s side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.
Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom’s side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.
The He smiled and said
"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".
Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama...
The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say "how r u". Then Mr. Obama should say,"I am fine, and you?"Now, you should say"me too". Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is...
When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said "who r u?" (Instead of "How r u?"..)
Mr. Obama was a bit shocked, but still managed to react with humor:
"Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha...
"Then Mori replied "me too, ha-ha.. ."
Linford Christie's a bit bored one day, so he decides to take up golf. He goes down to the local course, walks in and says, "Hi, I'd like to join your golf club."
The receptionist calls the club captain, who comes to meet the former Olympic sprinter at reception. "Hi," says Linford. "I'd like to join your golf club."
"I'm terribly sorry," says the club captain. "But we don't let black people, join our club. If you turn left out of the gates, there's a public course about fifteen minutes up the road and they'll let you play there."
"I don't think you understand," says Linford. "I'm Linford Christie."
"Oh, I see. I'm terribly sorry," says the Captain. "In that case, the public course is five minutes up the road!"
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and ask him for a Phone Call.
Shop-owner replied Sweety this is not a STD, but you can do one call.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy.
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North-Palm beach, Florida."
Again the woman answered in the negative.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said," Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"
Two elderly couples were enjoying a friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "George, how was the memory clinic you two went to last month?"
"Outstanding," George replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
George went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke out across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"