Arguments and disagreements are a fact of life. Sometimes they happen because of misunderstandings, sometimes one or both parties are stressed or feeling disrespected, sometimes one person is just plain angry and wants a fight. There are many reasons why this situation occurs and there are different ways of handling it, some better than others.

Part of growing up as a rounded human being includes learning how to handle disagreements and disputes. Learning about the negative side of life is an important skill to develop and take into adulthood. Certainly, once a child attends school and then college and work, there will, no doubt, be many times when someone is rude, or disagrees or rejects them. Being able to be pragmatic and cope with this situation without being devastated or traumatized by a negative response is vital to a persons emotional and mental health and well being.

In the main there are three types of arguments and disagreements :

Some disagreements can be constructive. They clear the air and may well bring previously unspoken resentments out into the open. A constructive disagreement allows for both parties to have their say and be respected and listened to. This then enables the situation to move forward and be resolved.

A productive disagreement will bring problems and concerns into the open. This will enable matters to be discussed and each partys' point of view to be appreciated, but this will not necessarily entail a change of either persons mind. Patience and tolerance are important here. These discussions are also respectful and valuable.

Destructive disagreements are where emotions and personal attacks and insults are involved. Often raised voices and tempers are exchanged. These do not tend to resolve problems, but rather re fuel them. These situations can fester and cause ongoing tensions, resentments and continual sniping, or maybe the total opposite, where long icy silences occur.

The art of handling an argument or disagreement is in saying, 'will this matter in six months time' ? Keeping a sense of perspective and a sense of humor enables a more balanced attitude to prevail. This is not the same as being a doormat. It means being assertive enough, but also appreciating that different people may have a different point of view for their own reasons, based on what is happening in their life and what their agenda is. Working through those criteria can facilitate a respectful discussion and greater understanding. And, as a final thought, a wise man once said that the art of negotiation is where each person trades something that they do not mind losing, whilst treating it as if they have made a major concession. This could be a useful thought to bear in mind in these situations.

Finally, remember, in any mode of relationship your ego and the other’s ego should be satisfied at the same time… if you manage to do so and let the priorities speak in, the chances of arguments leading to any other bitter phase would never occur.

Analyze what is important to you. a argument to prove your point or a relation that would last long.