It is good that in many of the daily saas - bahu sagas these days, the harmony and the positive relationship between the bahu and saas is being showcased... if you are seriously inspired by these and wish your real life relationship with your mother - in - law to be continued in peace, for your peace of mind more than anything else, here are some mantras that can be chanted to help you change the age old rule that saas - bahu can never be at peace under one roof,

Keep talking. Don't clam up and simmer in silence when she says something that upsets you. It's possible to let her know what you don't like, and why, without causing major offence.

For example: 'I realise you're only trying to help, but it makes me feel immature when you give me advice I haven't asked for. There are lots of things I'd really value your advice on, but I'd find it much more helpful if I could ask you first.'

Appreciate her good points. Come on, even dragons have their pleasant side! Instead of fuming when she's cleaned your kitchen from top to bottom, why not thank her for being so helpful and feel pleased that you didn't have to do it for once? It's amazing how much gentler she'll be if she sees, every so often, that you do value her.

Ask her advice. She never approves of your cooking? Turn the situation around by asking her: 'I'd like to cook Fred a s

pecial meal. Is there anything you can think of that he'd really enjoy?' That way she'll still feel involved, by being given the chance to contribute, but you haven't let her take over.

Visit her. If she's in the habit of turning up at your house unannounced, it's a sign she probably feels excluded from your life, which can make her want to interfere more. It's often easily solved by calling on her instead. Pop in for a coffee every so often, which shows her you're thinking of her but takes away her need to drop in on you unexpectedly.

Keep it light. So what if she runs her finger through the quarter-inch of dust gathering on the windowsill? By turning it into a joke: ('Hey - I keep that there to write 'I love you' to Fred!') you're telling her that you don't have the same priorities as she does...and you're happy with that. You're making an important point in a fun way, without causing offence.

'Mothers-in-law can be a real source of support. Daughters-in-law need to recognise that and not automatically assume things will be difficult, which often may alienate the mother in law unnecessarily.
'If you start off with a bad relationship, and let her get away with making you feel inadequate, the less likely things are to change. The more confident you are about your position in her son's life, the easier you'll get on.

'If you let things lie, and never tackle her, it will cause problems not just between you and her, but also between you and her son.